


Every Man Is Guilty Of The Good He Did Not Do- But Just Because You Did Good, Doesn't Mean You Can't Be Guilty Anyway

by DontOffendTheBees



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Blood and Injury, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Pre-Slash, Prompt Fill, Protectiveness, non-graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 12:57:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10854471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontOffendTheBees/pseuds/DontOffendTheBees
Summary: 'Please, Todd. Please wake up.No answer. The beeps still beeped, the paramedics bustled around, Farah clung to his shoulder. And Todd stayed asleep.I’m sorry. Please, Todd. Please. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…'In which Dirk deviates from his path, and Todd pays the price.





	Every Man Is Guilty Of The Good He Did Not Do- But Just Because You Did Good, Doesn't Mean You Can't Be Guilty Anyway

**Author's Note:**

> It's me again! Wow, what a fucking surprise.
> 
> So, here's another prompt fill for y'all, this one anonymous. The prompt: Dirk has to go against the universe's wishes to save Todd from a situation. The universe isn't happy about it.
> 
> Let me tell you, this prompt had the potential to be MUCH ANGSTIER than I ended up making it. But it's still kind of an angst fest- I'm just a sucker for happy(ish) endings.

“Is this-” Todd huffed. “Is this actually happening?”

“Yep!” Dirk said, equally breathless but somewhat more enthusiastic. “Rooftop pursuit! Another agency first!”

“Remind me to cross it off my bingo card,” Todd said dryly, dodging a weather vane. “If we _survive_ that long.”

Dirk snorted. _Honestly_ , Todd could be such a _worrywart_. At the pace they were catching up to this diabolical axolotl-smuggling fiend, they’d be home in time for afternoon tea. And Dirk hadn’t slipped, tripped or stumbled _once_ , which was a miracle in and of itself- either he was far more athletic than he’d previously thought, or the universe was rather set on him achieving his goal. He liked to think it was a bit of both.

But while he was busy congratulating himself, Todd was encountering a spot of bother of his own.

He only caught a glimpse of it out of the corner his eye- one moment Todd’s foot was landing on the roof, the next a shingle had popped loose and his foot was sliding out at such a speed that it completely offset his balance. His heels skidded, his arms windmilled, and his body hit the deck, careening over and over to the edge and beyond, falling from view.

 _“Todd!”_ Dirk squeaked, stopping in his tracks.

He was only slightly relieved when he saw that Todd still had his hands on the roof, gripping the gutter tightly. “Dirk!” he called, voice ragged.

“Todd, don’t move!” Dirk called back, frozen in place. Their target was getting further and further away, he could feel it- and more importantly, so could the universe. He could feel the pull, growing tighter and more insistent the longer he stood still. But frankly, Todd was _literally_ hanging onto safety by his fingertips, and the case was the last thing on his mind. “I-I’m coming to get you!”

“Dirk, go!” Todd bit out, grunting as he attempted to pull himself up. “I’ll be fine- _go!_ He’s getting away!”

The universe seconded that opinion. Dirk angrily shoved it aside. Clearly, Todd wasn’t having any luck pulling himself to safety. And Dirk wasn’t going to let his best friend splatter on the pavement for the sake of any case. “No! I’m coming down!” he took a deep, steadying breath, and took his first decisive step away from his pre-destined path.

And immediately encountered a loose shingle of his own.

He fell forward, too startled to arrest his momentum as he toppled, much as Todd had, towards the edge.

Unlike Todd, however, his luck ran out when he tried to catch himself on the gutter. His flailing hands missed by inches, and his stomach lurched as his body succumbed to the pull of gravity.

He was in freefall. He couldn’t quite believe it. Time seemed to simultaneously speed up and slow to a crawl- slow enough for his mind to run wild, not slow enough to do a damn thing about it. He felt strangely weightless, the air currents whooshing around him giving him a peculiar sense of buoyancy even as they utterly failed to catch his fall. Suddenly there was nothing but his uselessly flailing body, all the sky that he could see, and the rapidly closing gap between himself and the pavement.

And arms, warm and strong, closing tightly around him.

He didn’t get time to wonder where they’d come from before the ground came rushing up to meet him.

 

* * *

 

“Dirk! _Dirk!”_

He came slowly to his senses with a groan, squinting against the light. Ugh, he felt like he’d been trampled by a _horse._ A big one. With titanium shoes. But he recognised that voice. “Farah?”

“Oh, thank God,” she said, and he felt her push his hair back over his forehead. “Are you okay? Can you see me? Who’s the president? How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Ish, yes, that orange person, and…” he squinted a little more. “Six?”

“Uh… well, I guess three out of four isn’t bad,” she said, putting down her fingers- which there were actually three of, he now realised- and carefully pushing his eyelid back to peer in. “You hit your head. But I don’t think it’s serious. I’m more worried about…” she cut herself off.

“What?” he tried to sit up, and immediately regretted it- his head was doing lots of strange spinny things he didn’t like much at all. That might have been due to the fact that they seemed to be moving, though. Why were they moving? “What do you-?”

“Dirk, how much do you remember?”

“I… I was running, and then Todd was falling, and I… tripped? Todd. Where’s Todd? Did he make it back onto the roof?”

She didn’t answer straight away. Dirk’s blood ran cold. “Farah? Farah, where’s Todd?”

“He’s okay! He’s… he’s going to be okay.”

“ _Going_ to be? What do you…” he dragged himself upright, ignoring the way his head swam and Farah tried to push him back down.

“I’m sorry, Dirk, I only saw it happen, I wasn’t close enough to- I couldn’t-”

“Farah,” he said again, gripping her shoulders, wild-eyed. _“What happened?”_

She was blinking rapidly, and he couldn’t tell if it was a nervous twitch or an attempt to hold back tears. Knowing her, possibly both. He’d just started to notice the little lights behind her, the very close walls, the slow and repetitive beep of… something. “I- I was running a different way- I thought I could intercept the guy. I went straight back to you guys the _second_ I saw Todd slip, but then _you_ slipped, and you fell, and Todd…”

“Miss, please stand back.”

Suddenly Farah was gone, and an unfamiliar man in a fluorescent vest was peering into his eyes instead. “Sir? I need you to lie back down, you might have a concussion.”

“What happened to Todd?” Dirk demanded, shoving the man’s hand aside, turning his head to look for Farah. “Farah, what happened to…”

And there he was. Lying down, much as Dirk had been, on a stretcher in what Dirk now knew must be an ambulance. Except his eyes were closed, and his shirt had been cut away and the _blood-_ “Todd!” he cried, lunging towards him. Two sets of hands immediately pressed him back. He fought them, but his head was spinning and he was weak as non-shark kitten. “What did he-?!”

“He just… he just _let go_ ,” Farah stammered, the hand on his shoulder bunching in his shirt. “There was nothing I could do. He- he broke your fall.”

_He broke your fall._

Dirk slumped back, loose and hollow like a ragdoll, head tilted to the side as he stared at Todd’s sleeping face. _Only_ sleeping, he told himself firmly. He’d wake up. He may look pale and drained and there was definitely too much blood but he was going to wake up. Any moment now.

Any second.

_Please, Todd. Please wake up._

No answer. The beeps still beeped, the paramedics bustled around, Farah clung to his shoulder. And Todd stayed asleep.

_I’m sorry. Please, Todd. Please. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…_

 

* * *

 

“Does it always take this long?” Dirk asked. He’d lost track of how many times he’d asked, but his brain just didn’t seem capable of retaining the answer right now. “It feels too long. How long is this supposed to take?”

“Dirk,” Farah said, putting her hand on his leg to stop it jittering. “I’m sure he’s fine. They-they’ve just gotta patch him up, make sure everything’s okay.”

“But what if everything _isn’t_ okay?”

She winced, clenching her fist. She always did that when she was anxious- she’d be biting little crescent-moons in her palms with her nails. “I’m… I’m trying not to think about that. And you should, too. Just, just _don’t_. Think about that. Don’t even _go_ there. He’s gonna be fine. They’re just making sure. Anyway, y- _you_ shouldn’t even be out of bed, the doctor didn’t clear you yet-”

“I’m fine,” he said, shutting her off. Actually, his head still felt a little foggy. But they’d put some gauze on it, so really, what more could they do? He’d rather be able to pace his anxiety out than be stuck in a bed. And that was a point, he’d been sitting for too long. He stood up, shaking off Farah’s hand, and got back to pacing. It was a _tiny_ room. Eight steps across, with the bed blocking a sizable chunk. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Turn around. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Turn around and Todd’s not awake yet. One, two, three, he might be hurt too badly to ever wake up, seven, eight. Turn around. One, two, he broke your fall, five, six, it’s all your fault, turn-

_“Dirk.”_

“Hm?” he mumbled, not really paying attention.

“Dirk, you’re muttering,” she said, eyeing him with concern. “What are you- _what’s_ your fault?”

He picked up his pace. There was too much nervous energy waiting to escape, his hands were shaking, he needed to keep moving. “I… I made a mistake.”

“Dirk, you tripped, it’s not your fault-”

 _“It is my fault!”_ he cried, whipping round to face her, hands clenched at his side. “It _is_ my fault! The universe was telling me to keep chasing the guy, and I _ignored_ it! If I’d done what I was _supposed_ to do, you would’ve got to Todd in time and we would’ve caught our suspect and we’d all be back at the agency having tea and Todd wouldn’t be-!”

His voice broke on a sob before he could get through the sentence. He flopped back down on the edge of the bed, suddenly feeling like there wasn’t quite enough oxygen in the tiny room to go around. He raised his shaking hands to his face, pressing the heels into his eyes against the hot sting of tears waiting to fall, blocking the room from view because it was just too _bright_ all of a sudden. Too bright and too clean and too _bloody small._

He felt the mattress dip as Farah got up from her chair to settle beside him. He felt her palm rubbing soothing circles on his back, and her head lean tentatively on his shoulder. He felt it, but it barely registered in his mind. It was too busy chasing itself in frantic circles of _it’s all my fault_ and _I broke the rules_ and _Todd deserves better-_

“Miss Black?”

A new voice in the room- he dropped his hands to face the source. A nurse hovered uncertainly in the doorway. She was giving him a disapproving look for some reason. Ah, yes, because he was dressed and out of bed when he should be resting. Whatever, not important. Farah stood up, keeping a hand on his back- to ground him, or herself, he couldn’t be sure which. “Is he-?” Farah asked, palm shaking.

The nurse nodded. “He’s stable. The doctors didn’t find too much internal injury. But his arm was badly broken and needed to be re-set. We’re keeping him in overnight, and it’s likely he’ll need to stay a few days. He’s incredibly lucky- a fall like that could have had far more serious repercussions.”

Farah nodded, a little frantically, her fingers bunching in the back of Dirk’s jacket. “That’s good! That’s good, that’s…” she glanced at Dirk. “Is he- is he awake? Now?”

The nurse glanced at Dirk too, and if she still disapproved of him being out of bed it had taken a backseat to sympathy. He must look like a wreck. He _felt_ like a wreck. “For the time being. But we’ve put him on some pretty heavy painkillers for tonight, so he’ll probably clock out soon,” she paused, and then gave a slight nod. “If you want to see him, better do it quick.”

“Thank you,” Farah said, letting out a deep sigh of relief as the nurse left the room.

“He’s…” Dirk mumbled, wobbling to his feet. “He’s okay.”

“Yeah, he’s okay,” Farah said, rubbing his back one last time. “Just like I said, he’s gonna be- he’s gonna be just fine. But if you wanna see him, better go. Now.”

He frowned, blinking at her in a slight daze. “Aren’t- aren’t you gonna-?”

“No,” she said softly, shaking her head. “I think you guys need a moment alone. Just… just go do your thing, okay? I’m gonna go pick up some stuff from his apartment. I’ll give you a ride home later, if you can sweet-talk the doctors into letting you out. You can stay with me tonight. So I can make sure you don’t, like, die, or whatever,” she gave him a reassuring smile- it came out perhaps a little more nervous than she’d intended- and gave his shoulder a light push. “Go.”

He gulped, nodded, and walked.

 

* * *

 

He wasn’t sure how he even made it to Todd’s room. He supposed he must have asked someone for directions along the way. Or maybe the universe just guided him there. He’d be surprised if that were the case- he doubted he was in the stream of creation’s good books right now.

But make it he did. And there was Todd. Lying still, eyes closed. There was no blood this time, but the sight still chilled Dirk to the bone. Once again he found himself lurching forward on automatic, but he stopped himself after a couple of steps. Maybe he was already asleep and he should just-

“Dirk?”

Dirk almost jumped out of his skin. Todd’s eyes fluttered open, finding Dirk almost instantly and giving him a lopsided smile. “You know… you’re really not as stealthy as you think.”

 _“Todd,”_ Dirk breathed, quickly marching the rest of the way to the bed to hover beside it. “You’re…”

“Surviving,” Todd said, patting the bed with his good arm. The other, Dirk couldn’t help but notice, lay splinted and immobilised at his side. Guilt twisted in his stomach.

“Are you…” Dirk began, carefully perching himself in the indicated spot and realising he had absolutely no idea where he was going with the question.

“I’m… I’m good,” Todd said, although it was becoming a bit of a mumble. He must have been struggling to stay awake. “Felt like hell for a while. But they gave me some pretty awesome pain meds, so…” he yawned. “Yeah, I’m, I’m good.”

“Good.”

They fell into silence for a moment. Dirk had no idea where to even begin. After about a minute, he wondered if maybe Todd had fallen asleep already and maybe he could just sit here and watch him a while and make _absolutely_ certain he was alright and then he could take this whole experience as the warning it clearly was and take measures to avoid it in the future and that would be that please and thank you.

But Todd chuckled, and the illusion was broken. “Y’know, I knew you were clumsy, but this…” he shook his head, although the movement made him wince a little. “You’d better watch out for that. It’ll be the death of you. Or me.”

He said it like it was hilarious. Like it was all a big joke and he’d just got the punchline. Dirk always loved to see him laugh, but this… he was finding it hard to see the funny side.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, dropping his gaze to the floor.

Todd’s laughter died off. “S’okay,” he said, much softer. “I mean, you were only trying to help. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said-”

“It was my fault.”

“Dirk, _I_ threw myself off the damn roof, it’s not your-”

“You would have been fine if I hadn’t come after you,” Dirk said, terrified to admit the truth and yet unable to hold it in a second longer. “I was _supposed_ to go after the man and I- I went back for you anyway. If I’d just left you behind we’d have our suspect and Farah would have helped you back up and you wouldn’t…” he laughed, and it was perhaps the most humourless sound to ever escape his mouth. “ _Everything_ in the universe was screaming at me to leave you, but I ignored it. I broke the rules and you got hurt and it’s _all my fault_ , and I…”

He buried his face in his hands, curling in on himself as the guilt tore into him anew. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again, voice thick with unshed tears. “I’m so sorry, Todd.”

The room fell silent again. Dirk steeled himself for Todd telling him to get the hell out.

“So… why did you come back?”

Dirk frowned, lowering his hands to look at Todd. He didn’t seem angry, just… curious. But maybe that was the painkillers. “What?”

“If you were so sure you were supposed to keep going,” Todd said, meeting Dirk’s eyes. “Why did you come back for me?”

“Because…” Dirk sniffed, wiping his face with his sleeve. “You were in trouble, and I couldn’t… I couldn’t just _leave_ you there, I had to…”

Todd’s hand reached out, catching his and pulling it away from his face. The sudden contact stopped Dirk’s ramble in its tracks. “So, basically,” Todd said quietly, keeping hold of his hand. “You ditched a mission from the universe to help out a friend.”

“But it _didn’t_ help you, if anything I made it wor-”

“Doesn’t matter,” Todd cut in, shaking his head again. “I don’t… _I don’t care_ , okay? Y’know, so, you made a mistake. Shit happens. But you were only trying to help. Sure, it blew up in both our faces, but…” he squeezed Dirk’s hand a little, smiling sleepily. “Thought that counts, right?”

Now Dirk was close to crying for completely different reasons. He cleared his throat and nodded stiffly, but any efforts he made to look put-together were foiled by a traitorous sniffle. “Thank you, Todd,” he said sincerely, squeezing back. “I’m- I’m still sorry, though. That you got hurt.”

Todd shrugged. It looked pretty painful. “Hey. Hazards of the job, right?”

Dirk gave a little snort of laughter. “Well. Yes, I suppose.”

“Maybe Farah’ll give me a raise…”

“I’ll recommend you for promotion,” Dirk smiled, feeling some of the weight lift from his shoulders as they slid back into their easy back-and-forth.

“Y’know, technically _you_ have the authority to promote people.”

“There’s a procedure; lots of paperwork.”

They both laughed, quiet and soft in the low-light. For a moment it didn’t feel like a hospital room, or the aftermath of a near-death experience. It just felt like them. Dirk and Todd, sitting together, smiling together because what reason would they have not to smile? As long as they were together, not many.

“Dirk?”

“Hm?”

Todd smiled at him, a little apologetic, a _lot_ drowsy. “I’m tired.”

“Oh. _Oh!_ Yes, you should sleep,” Dirk said, standing up and carefully releasing Todd’s hand. “Amazed you’ve stayed awake this long, actually.”

“Yeah, well,” Todd grinned, head sinking back into the pillows. “My idiot best friend was beating himself up- had to take care of that, first.”

Dirk blushed. “Well… thank you. He appreciates it.”

Todd nodded, eyes drifting closed. “‘Night, Dirk…”

“Goodnight, Todd…”

He was asleep in seconds. Dirk stood by him a while longer, letting it sink in. Todd was alive. Todd was recovering. Todd wasn’t angry. He lost track of how long he stood there, just processing.

“He asleep?”

Long enough for Farah to make the trip to Todd’s flat and back, apparently. Her soft voice floated over from the doorway. He nodded, not turning around.

“Is he… are you guys, y’know, okay?”

“Yes,” Dirk said, barely above a whisper. “Yes. Better than, actually I think.”

“Good, that’s good,” she wandered over, patting his shoulder. “I, uh, I just came in first to check on you guys, I left his stuff in the car.”

“I’ll get it,” Dirk said quickly. Honestly, it seemed like the least he could do.

She looked at him questioningly a moment, but she nodded. “Okay,” she said, giving him her car keys. “I’ll go talk to the nurses, see if I can get you out of here tonight. I’ll meet you back here.”

Dirk nodded, attention back on Todd. Before he could give himself a chance to overthink it or wonder if it was a little forward, he ducked down to brush his hair aside and press a quick, chaste kiss to his forehead.

Then he turned around and left, before his delirious and mildly concussed brain could convince him that he _had,_ in fact, just seen Todd’s lips curve into the tiniest smile in response.

 

* * *

 

It felt like everything had worked out better than he could have ever hoped for. They were both alive, Todd apparently not overly upset about his broken arm, or Dirk’s lapse in judgement that caused it. It seemed a little too good to be true.

Which was why when he attempted to unlock Farah’s car and the lock jammed, he took it not as a simple malfunction in technology, but as the petty jab from the universe that he knew it to be.

He sighed, turning his eyes angrily to the sky. “ _Okay_ , okay, I get it,” he muttered, glowering at the stars. They probably had nothing to do with it, were probably just living their lives (or dying their deaths, he supposed- sometimes Todd’s random scientific knowledge was quite depressing) oblivious to the fickle whims of the universe. But he needed to direct his frustration _somewhere._ “I messed up. I should have listened to you. But…”

His hand on the key clenched. “My friends… _Todd_ … you’re not the only driving force in my life anymore. And I _won’t_ keep following you blindly if you keep putting them in danger. I just, I won’t! I’ve done _everything_ you could ever ask of me, I’ve been your… your _puppet_ since the day I was born, and I _always_ go where you want me to be and I am _always_ alone. But I’m not alone anymore, for the first time in my _life_ I have people who want to stay with me and- and I won’t jeopardise that. Not for you, not for _anyone_ or any _thing_. If the choice is between saving them and solving a case, I’ll choose them. Every time. Even when I probably shouldn’t. So… so that’s that.”

He took a deep breath, tapping his fingers anxiously on the car window and closing his eyes. “So… you keep my friends safe… _keep Todd Brotzman safe_. And we won’t have a problem,” he opened his eyes slowly, meeting the intangible yet ever-present gaze of the universe head-on. “Deal?”

Silence followed his declaration. He took a deep breath, and turned the key again.

The lock clicked. The door opened.

He released the breath, eyes falling shut again a moment. _“Thank you,”_ he whispered, raw and sincere as he reached into the car for Todd’s overnight bag.

Looked like the universe might just let him keep something. Just this once.

He should really tell Farah he had absolutely no intention of leaving Todd’s side tonight.

Possibly any night, in fact. But that was a conversation for another day.

**Author's Note:**

> Angst and fluff, angst and fluff, yaaaaay <3 <3 <3
> 
> Thanks anon for the prompt! It was good to break out of my squishy fluffy comfort zone for a little bit of legit life-and-death stuff. This still ended MUCH happier than it could have, but... old habits, y’know. (also I know very little about medical procedure for broken bones or what kinds of injuries can be expected from different falls, so if I was vague/inaccurate about any of that... *shrugs*)
> 
> What did people think? D’you think I should try and do MORE angsty stuff like this in future? Should I go even ANGSTIER? Or should I stick to the baking AUs? Let us know!
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


End file.
